on this, the anniversary of the first day my abuser took her mask off, I'm promoting something she never wanted me to finish.

Helvang, the Horned Elf of Hagsgate

It started 4 years ago, the idea at the very least. I started working on it on and off, but now I'm finishing it.

My adoptive Mama Kat never got to see it finish, despite her wishes. I miss her, I loved her, and I'll never forgive my abuser.

the comic also has a discord server, linked in the new pages. It's just me in there right now. :)

It's become a sort of,,,,vent space. I can get through my feelings and watch my characters work through them. I did realize though, free from manipulation, that I was HARD brainwashed.

I originally wrote the main character to have gotten an antagonist killed Sherlock Holmes style, when MC has everything he ever wanted and said antagonist just wanted to stop being ostracized and beaten.

I really hated myself.

comic blurb from the site:

hundreds of years ago, the Elves of Hagsgate slighted a powerful mage. Cursed to thrive and prosper, they were destined to be brought down by one of their own. The people are now kept in line with strict laws, and for 500 years it was agreed that no one would have children. Yet somehow, within the walls, little Helvang was left inside a well.

Now 25, this horned elf has caused quite the ruckus! For little do the Elves of Hagsgate know, Helvang is far, far from an elf. Treated like a toddler, is Helvang's bubbly stupidity all an act? And will they find out before the town is destroyed?

Updates Tues and Thurs

Disclaimer: There are dark themes as well as eventual s--ually explicit material.

Working on the video I'm gonna come back to Youtube with. Or not, I dunno. There's a lot to talk about, and tbh it's really hard to talk about. Abandonment via Mania usually is, apparently. But it'll be done when it's done.

My friends decided a while ago that me telling them how I feel right as I feel it was the wrong thing to do, and that I was a horrible person for doing so.

And now, they've all left me, cut me off, called me a child, etc, because I didn't tell them how I felt and I fucked up my "second chance".

Keep in mind; I didn't realize I had fucked up enough beforehand to warrant two out of three strikes before I was fuckin' outta there.

Til then, I'm working on a few comic projects for fun, including a few planned short-doodle-animatics about a story I'm working on. Working name, "War for Rython".

Til then, can't wait to see the light. Whenever it shows back up in my life.

Happy birthday to me!

Have some art.

In Wisconsin Dells until the 5th!!!!

will resume videos and art around the week of the 14th!!!

EDIT: The vines with the red elf are auto-uploads

time sure does fuckin fly, don't it?

anyway, have an art dump.

I'm working on a very large project, about 6 months in the making so far, called Lancelot's Last Stand. It uses the song "Rylanor's Last Stand" by Stringstorm on Youtube

At first it seems to star these two characters, Yearn and his big brother Fear

They explore the ruins of Dalhrus Guard, Lancelot's kingdom. They don't realize at first, and end up coming face to face with the Knight Lancelot DuLoc of the Round Table, old and filled with hatred

The animatic then reveals who lancelot is, and shows what came of his kingdom, why it's busted

None other than King Arthyr Pendragon himself.

He's been poisoned by a barely seen woman, only known as The Matriarch. She gives him eternal youth as well as magical powers. At some point, Lancelot was ordered to kill Fear's entire family. He killed all of them but one, the small child Yearn, before he realized who's family he was purging.

by the end of the song, the two old foes are fighting, Lancelot wanting revenge and to take down the horrible tyrant. Lancelot falls, Arthyr's powers are cut in half, and Fear survives,,,,,,,

,,,at the cost of his baby brother's life.

Being unable to die, Fear will later go on to slaughter the Tyrant Arthyr, for his old friend Lancelot, and the whole of his family.

Can't wait for it to get finished, been making good progress.

What art style did you try to replicate when you were starting out? I'll go first!

I was trying to mimic the Sonic Comics and Sonic Underground as close as possible!

I love Traumacore, it fills me with such,,,,,,soft joy.

This weekend, I had a horrible camping trip. My brothers kept nagging me and making fun of me, and the family drove me out completely. I returned home Saturday, and work Sunday at 11pm.

It was 6am when we started watching Encanto and doing a drinking game, as a way to have some kind of a happy weekend.

I remember the song Surface pressure about to start and the next thing I know I'm waking up at 5am with 17 missed work calls.

I also apparently was drunkenly sobbing in my roommate's grandmother's arms for two hours on our porch. I also threw up. Everywhere. :))))))

I hate my life sometimes

I've been a HUGE fan of the Chinese classic Journey to the West(JTTW) ever since my English teacher made me write a paper on one of the chapters.

My little brother introduced me to the lego show Monkie Kid, which is a sequel to JTTW and I believe an Anime.

There's so many refrences to the story, new takes on old characters, reincarnation cycles, and just that super classic cartoon violence. If you're able, you should really check it out.

And if you're already a fan, who's your favorite character and why? Mine's either Macaque(God bless, his English VA) or Red Son(Should be Red BOY but whatever that's a rant).

It's hard lately to find the gumption to stick to a single project. I've halted updates on my Youtube channel in a spiteful petty decision that I refuse to go against, even as the pride in my work comes back. I've just been so affected by what's happened this last winter, and it's hard to admit but it's consuming me.

And I think I finally started to stop letting it. A recent trip to the doctors ripped away all of my ability to choose, and I can see that I'm losing more and more of my power to choose what's best for me. And that's when I realized I could choose to let go of what those monsters did to me. I can choose to stop letting it hurt me. Like my mom can.

I'm half of her, aren't I? If she can walk 4 months on a torn ACL getting a second job I'm pretty sure I can handle letting go of this hatred and shame burning into my skull. In fact, I think I've found a new purpose for the trauma, as fucked as that sounds. I don't need to feel shame or sadness, I just need to think about how they're laughing right now.

Her, the skank, whipping her hair back and laughing about how dead my Youtube is. How silent my Twitter and Deviantart are. Him, the coward, watching his wife get bent because she fell out of love with him but not his wallet, convincing him that she needs two boyfriends, sitting there thinking about how he tried to get me to off myself. And him, the predator, the monster, the r-pist, bending the skank over and laughing about how I cowered under him, too drunk and high to see straight, thinking about how he got me to run and hide.

Then they're gonna see my first post, a vine comp. With full color animation. Then a week later, another. And another. They're all three gonna see me, see what I've done, what I can do, what I'm DOING.

And they're gonna see that they didn't stop me.

That they didn't kill me.

That they can never hurt me again.

And that's what I can do with it. So you know what, I think that's what I'll do.

~ Spyder